So- dkjaelgk my brain blanked out. I literally forgot what I was about to write.
LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN.
So a few days ago I decided with the help of a friend that I should have a week-long break from a site in particular. The reason? I'm burning out. My creativity? Dying. I'm not sure what to do about it to try and revive it... There's so many collabs I'm doing that I'm still thinking I'm dropping because of the lack of activity on either or all sides. Or simply because they don't interest me anymore, which is most of them, tbh... I should ask if the other person is going to participate in it anymore or not... It's hurting my feelings that they seem to be ghosting it, even though I'm 98% sure they're not. I need to know if it's ever going to happen or not... In one of them, I need help with deciding on what my character's accident should be in order for him to have a vision, but they never responded to it... So I'm questioning if they're actually interested. Another collab that is a favorite of mine is one that the other wants to do but never goes through with... I wait. And wait. I've been waiting for a total of 3 months now, and I'm sick and tired of waiting for them.
So I'm going to set a rule with collabs with me. If one wants to do a collab with me and gets me all excited about it, and suddenly you just never talk about it again, they'll have to give me an explanation on why. I'm tired of being hurt by all of this. You're all doing collabs with everyone else, and it goes through successfully...but you ignore all the ones you're doing with me? It's not fair. Why are you doing this to me? Promising to do a collab but never acting upon it when I ask something, or when I have finished my character, but you never get to yours? I mean, I understand we all have out own lives, but you're all always working on other characters and finishing in a matter of days. This is cruel. You all say you love my characters, and are hyped to do a collab with me with the character that you claim to do a collab with... Why? Why are you making me feel like your just leading me on? It's not fair. I'm not going to let my happiness and effort go to waste. Not anymore. You get to see how happy I am, that I'm putting all my focus and time into that collaboration... Why are you making me wait after months of seeing you start collaberations with everyone else and finishing those characters before the one you promised me? I tell you when I'm stuck or why I'm slow on anything to do with my half of the collaboration. It's only fair to tell me why you're not contributing back.
Anywho, continuing with the rest of my break thing.
It was also destroying my sleep. Instead of my normal 1 or 2 am, it was 6 or 7 am. That's not okay. It was also because I was tired of seeing someone say hello to me, I reply, and then I never get a response. Ever. I wait, and wait, and wait for something back. I've waited months. I've even tried contributing into conversations! I tried multiple times each day! You're busy with your life, I know that, but when you all claim to like talking to me, but then when I try to talk and you end up looking over me? You look like you're lying to me in my eyes. I love you guys, your my best friends, and you guys know I literally can't lie about that. I have an extremely hard time trusting others.
It's getting so bad that I always feel like deleting my account. It seems like you'd all be better off without me anyways. From how you all treat me when I clearly state that I am in need of talking to someone and when I actually admit to needing help with something, just ghosting over me isn't helping your case of saying you're not lying when you say you care. I've cried over this and it hurts bad enough that self-harm feels like a way of relief. Of course, I'm too stubborn to break my promise to myself, so don't bother worrying about the self-harm bit. It would be nice to not feel the desire to, though.
Welp, I guess I needed to get all of that off my chest...
- Birdsong231
